smthng

I am searching for something that doesn’t exist

a secret that lives somewhere between
dusk and “I miss you”

hidden in that small voice in the back of your head
that whispers “you’re missing something” or
“what have you forgotten?”

an unexplored part of the pacific or the atlantic
or something in between I never could fathom –
maybe it says “you’re getting colder”

a memory (or was it a dream?) about that time
you gave me some small part of you
but I can’t find it now
and I’m looking in all the places you told me to put it

I am searching for something that doesn’t exist
because I swear there has to be something else

some innuendo dripping in ink still wet
spelling out all the ways I failed you
or maybe

after every wretched moment

there really is nothing at all